Even when I doubt you

Jesus Appears to the Disciples
19 On the evening of that day, the first day of the week, the doors being locked where the disciples were for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said to them, “Peace be with you.” 20 When he had said this, he showed them his hands and his side. Then the disciples were glad when they saw the Lord. 21 Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, even so I am sending you.” 22 And when he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit. 23 If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you withhold forgiveness from any, it is withheld.”
Jesus and Thomas
24 Now Thomas, one of the twelve, called the Twin, was not with them when Jesus came. 25 So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord.” But he said to them, “Unless I see in his hands the mark of the nails, and place my finger into the mark of the nails, and place my hand into his side, I will never believe.”
 
26 Eight days later, his disciples were inside again, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.” 27 Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here, and see my hands; and put out your hand, and place it in my side. Do not disbelieve, but believe.” 28 Thomas answered him, “My Lord and my God!” 29 Jesus said to him, “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”
~John 20:19-29
 
“Even when I Doubt You.” 
 
This past week I heard a song that caught my attention. The song, Doubt, is performed by the musical group, “21 Pilots.” It had a catchy beat, but what stood out to me were its lyrics:
 
“Scared of my own image, scared of my own immaturity
Scared of my own ceiling, scared I’ll die of uncertainty
Fear might be the death of me, fear leads to anxiety
Don’t know what’s inside of me.”  
 
I thought to myself, “Wow, that’s cool. We all feel that way, at times.” Then the words got even better. (Imagine a bit of rapping...)
 
“Don’t forget abou-bou-bou-bou-bout me
Don’t forget abou-bou-bou-bou-bout me
Even when I doubt you
I’m no good without you, no, no.” 
 
The words captivated me. These words could be the words of Thomas, the disciple. These words could be my words, your words, our words. 
 
"Even when I doubt you
I’m no good without you, no, no.”
 
Doubt is a burglar that creeps into our lives, hides in the folds of darkness and steals our peace. Doubt leads to fear, causing our chests to tighten, our minds to race, and our blood pressure to rise. Before long, our faith is flailing.
 
It all overwhelms us, and yet somehow we think we can handle it! No need to bother the Lord, we reason. After all, he's got better, more important things to worry about, right? Maybe we think he won't forgive us for being so scared, for doubting he understands or can do anything about it. Maybe, just maybe, we have a better way to handle the situation than God. We build walls to protect us, but all they really do is keep God's peace out.
 
When we doubt we pout. We see only on a human level, and this almost always leads to the wrong conclusion, wrong decision, wrong path. God loves us too much to let us remain in that unsettling place. God brings words of peace.
 
Throughout scripture we see God pursuing His people. Adam hid from his sin in the garden-God found him. Jonah thought he knew a better way to handle other sinners-God found him. Moses wanted to be a shepherd, not a leader-God found him. The disciple mourned his master's death, refusing to believe Christ had risen-and, God found him.
 
God finds us, too. He barges through our barriers of uncertainty and despair. He runs through our walls of doubt and fear. All for the purpose of restoring us to a place of faith and trust...in his peaceful, safe presence.
 
Jesus, armed with the stigmata (scars) of his death, proves he is our savior, and in his presence, there is peace.
 
“Peace be with you.” 
 
Prayer:  
 
Lord Jesus, I am no good without you. Even when we build walls and barriers, Lord, forgive us, renew us, and lead us. Help us to hear your words of peace. Thank you for pursuing us, for we are no good without you.  
 
AMEN 
 
See you Sunday- I can’t wait!